Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Eli Rabett's Chris Monckton Limerick Contest

UPDATE: Voting is now open

Seeing as a Limerick contest has broken out in the comments about Moncktons Gallop, Eli thought Rabett Run might offer a prize, a ticket (Eli will provide a grant) to one of his lectures in the next year, airfare, housing, etc. NOT included, but Eli will provide a decent bottle of Scotch so you can survive, Eli's choice of course, but Eli has standards. Ms Rabett, OTOH has the check book and the charge card. It will be better than OK but that's all we promise. Multiple entries allowed

To get you started here are the current entries

anonypoe started it all

Once there was a Viscount of Brenchly
Who disputed his critics most contentiously
With a lawsuit in hand
And an imperious demand
No one doubted the defense of His Excellency

Noe one doubted that is save for Poe
Who's Law is unknown by most joes
Now seeing the crank
Raised to high rank
Its impossible to tell the man from the show

A Viscount worried about his reputation
Fired up by an internet disputation
With a bunch of new slides
Screwed up his hurt pride
And revealed a self-mocking refutation.
Andy S
John Abraham once debunked an
Egregious talk by Chris Monckton
So the Lord tried to do
His own Peer review
Which he characteristically flunked on.
Ron Broberg-
Once a Lord of the House came to say
As "b is not a" so "b is not 'not a'"
So as you can see
All things that are 'b'
Are orthogonal to our reality today.
Horatio
There once was a man who used graphs
Equations and more advanced maths --
He dazzled the Tonys
With all his baloneys
And sent them down dead-ended paths.

There once was a man who used graphs
Equations and more advanced maths --
He dazzled the Tonys
With all his baloneys
And sent them down dead-ended paths.

There once was a journalist named Chris
Who thought there was something amiss
With the physics of Newton
Said he 'You're darned tootin'
"I will get to the bottom of this."

There once was a man with Nobel
Pinned to his suit-coat lapel
"When you address me, bow low"
"I'm world famous, you know"
Gareth provides a Clerihew (sorry, Eli has standards) and a limerick
There was a daft Viscount from Brenchley,
Whose shark jumping owed much to Benchley,
His downfall, they say,
Was caused by the way
His politics posed as reality
And . . .

42 comments:

Tim Lambert said...

Second prize is tickets to TWO of his talks.

Horatio Algeranon said...

Horatio would much prefer this to watching/listening to Mocktman.

..or maybe that and then the talk.

CapitalClimate said...

And how about a new name for the technique?
Monckton Muddle

Anonymous said...

A clown who calls himself Lord
Makes pronouncments that have us all floored
He's an upper-class twit
who'll throw quite a fit
Every time his fat ox gets gored

justinp said...

Not a limerick: (The Limerick is a form unsuited to venting pure bile. One can inject far more venom into a cod haiku, for instance. And as for cartoon theme songs based on jazz tunes..)

Monckton you snickering, bulgy-eyed hound
When decency’s needed you’re never around
The drivel that spews from your moth-eaten chest
Is facile, deluded, and third-rate at best.

So
Mock the Monckton
Mock the Monckton
Mock the Monckton
Mock the Monckton

Mock that Monckton
Howwww!

Nab him

Jab him

Tab him

Rag him

Mock that Monckton now!

willard said...

No promise of single malt, no look under kilt for me.

Anonymous said...

An obstreperous journo inclined
To distort all the facts he could find
Enhanced his credentials
To be influential
And lie to the willfully blind

barrymoose

Horatio Algeranon said...

There once was a Lord sent a-leaping
From the armchair where he had been sleeping
Said he "I know more"
"Than that movie by Gore"
But his "science" was scarcely in keeping.

Anonymous said...

Just discovered 'credentials' can be singular. Lose the 's' and that's my entry. :-)

barrymore

Horatio Algeranon said...

There once was a blogger name Rabett
Who had the most ignoble habit
To host goofy verses
Award worthless purses
And upset deniers, dang-nabbit.

Anonymous said...

(I'm having trouble posting this; if my earlier one made it through, please disregard it.)

In order to have a small chance at the prize
I looked at the climate through Chris Monkton's eyes
"Foul is now fairer"
or he says so in error
with eye-popping nonsense, well, that's no surprise

jg

Anonymous said...

Everything that they say are all lies!
A.G.W I have never denied.
So write out a check
Or in court I'll object
And you will rue my pedantic replies.
-anonymous

dan satterfield said...

A clown who calls himself Lord
Makes pronouncments that have us all floored
He's an upper-class twit
who'll throw quite a fit
Every time his fat ox gets gored

MY VOTE GOES FOR THIS ONE~

Anonymous said...

And tell the pleasant prince this Monckton of his
Hath turn'd his balls to gun-stones; and his soul
Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance
That shall fly with them: for many a thousand widows
Shall this his monckton monck out of their dear husbands;
Monck mothers from their sons, monck castles down;
And some are yet ungotten and unborn
That shall have cause to curse the Monckton's scorn.

-M

a_ray_in_dilbert_space said...

One would think it would give a man pause;
Were he ignorant of natural laws;
To debate with the giants;
In matters of science;
On a subject with a well known cause.

But the Viscount says, "Ho! Damn the science!
To the facts I intend to do violence;
And to deny the truth;
While deluding the youth;
As long as it suits all my clients."

And as they form credulous ranks;
Devotees of Ayn Rand, he gives thanks;
With the strength of a cougar;
Take note Dunning and Kruger;
Watch him laugh all the way to the bank!

jcrabb said...

there once was a man of fancy class
who carried on like an ass

in Climate science he did dabble
for fear of the uppity rabble

now his charade has been dissected
his status terminally affected

Michael Tobis said...

There once was a Viscount of Bench-
ley Who thought he might win out eventual-
ly, Spouting his nonsense
With no hint of conscience
And emitting a litigious stench.

--
mt

Rattus Norvegicus said...

There once was a Viscount from Brenchly
Who thought he might win eventually
But in the end it turned out
That his long stream of prattle
Was all hat and very few cattle

Gareth said...

dilbert_space wins!

Anonymous said...

...Marco

There once was a man less mentally deft than the humble mollusc
(The result of banging his head repeatedly against a bright pink portcullis)
When he hadn’t a clue
He thought it a grand thing to sue
Professor John Abraham of Thomas Aquinas

JMurphy said...

There once was a crude, merry Monckton,
Who relied on a sorry assumption :
That fools will follow,
And the gullible swallow,
His pseudo-scientific dysfunction.

ch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chek said...

There once was a Viscount named Chris
Who everyone thought was taking the piss.
He had the understanding of climate
of a shit-flinging primate
and kept wondering what was amiss.

Anonymous said...

I am known as a climate dissembler,
Chief misinformation assembler
Penetrate my pink gate
And your urges I'll sate
Unless you're a crustacean resembler.

Heratclitus

Dano said...

I sat down to pen a Limerick
'bout an insecure potty-peer dimwit.
I publish'd it, but alas
What got shoved up my *ss
Was a lawsuit with small hope to acquit.

Best,

D

Anonymous said...

Lord Monckton, I admire your tenacity
I really don't know how you keep going
You're dealing with people
Who live in an alternative reality
Where limericks scan well and rhyme

barrylast

ourchangingclimate said...

Neven over at Deltoid:
(http://scienceblogs.com/deltoid/2010/07/i_think_that_they_might_have_t.php#comment-2656764)

I'm too witty for the nerds
Too witty for the nerds, so witty it hurts

I'm too witty for this scam
Too witty for this scam, New York and Japan

And I'm too witty for your science
Too witty for your science
The way I'm Gish Galloping

I'm a noble, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn for Rush Limbaugh
For Rush Limbaugh
For Rush Limbaugh, yeah
I tell my little lies for Rush Limbaugh

I'm too witty for the truth, truth's going to leave me

Posted by: Neven | July 14, 2010 6:58 AM

Bart

Zibethicus said...

There once was a fellow called Monckton
Who hired himself out to a 'function'
He lied about climate
So much of the time that
A transcript was weighed by the Bunk-Tonne (Bt).

Anonymous said...

A ludicrous lord named chris
Thought Abraham was taking the piss
He yelled and he farted
Wondered how it all started
That his career should end like this

John McManus

indulisb said...

Monckton's kidney had heard some bad news,
Like the brain it was often confused.
It mistook "lie analysis"
For the dreaded dialysis,
And to make piss it promptly refused.

Lord Monckton created a stink,
"I'm a Lord despite what they think,
I have made an arrangement
To disprove my derangement,
I've painted my portcullis pink"

"Oh listen and kneel at my feet,
You're in for a fabulous treat,
Though with truth I am lax,
It's a debate not hard facts,
And if you disagree you're Nazi elite!"

indulisb said...

Lord Monckton was caught telling lies,
(Being caught is what he really despised),
"But I'm allowed much leeway,
In any mad things I say,
It said on the box with my last Nobel prize!"

indulisb said...

In the interests of getting it JUST RIGHT

Lord Monckton created a stink,
"I'm not a Loon despite what they think,
I have made an arrangement
To disprove my derangement,
I've painted my portcullis pink"

indulisb said...

Must break out of perfectionist loop trap!

Monckton's kidney had heard some bad news,
But like the brain it was often confused.
"Abraham lie analysis"
It misheard as "dialysis",
And to make piss it promptly refused.

indulisb said...

Said Monckton "I feel quite disturbed,
by this Abraham's claims so absurd.
His ad hominem attacks,
On my graphs and my facts,
This proves he's a prawn and a turd!"



(I am definitely stuck in an OCD Limerick state now)

Anonymous said...

Don't ascribe to him motives quite evil,
He's really a thing quite primeval,
That scuttles around,
While making a sound,
That's a cross twixt a leech and a weevil.

Ann O' namouse

Anonymous said...

"You'll try to disprove me- you can't!"
Proclaimed Lord Monckton once to his old Aunt,
"I'll quote physics formulas three,
(Though I've a Latin degree),
And make up another, a most cunning stunt!"

(Ann O' No-mouse)

Anonymous said...

"The question of Why? is unfurled,
And climate change vitriol I've hurled,
I'm an android you see,
With a Latin Degree,
Asimov's three laws don't mention the world"

Android-on-a-mouse

Anonymous said...

From SteveP

A privileged peer of the realm,
Made words up, meant to overwhelm,
“They may not be true,
But I’ll not be through,
‘Till plutocrat hands guide the helm”

jo abbess said...

Dear Eli Rabett,

I thought I'd missed my chance, but it seems I may have not. I really hope I'm not too late to submit my own, highly intellectual limerick, which I wrote a few weeks ago, for the delectation and guffaw of the judges :-

There once was a fella called Monckton,
Who claimed he’d been litigiously dumped on;
'Twas patent absurd,
But steam could be heard
Escaping clenched teeth as Abr’am debunked him.

Apologies are due to John Abraham for the contraction of his name (from me) for reasons of scansion, and for the vain and absurd harassment (from other parties).

I seriously hope the kind of tortuous "S. Fred Singer versus Justin Lancaster" shenanigans are not going to be repeated.

cpwinter said...

Yeah, me too. I just learned of this contest an hour ago.

Lord Monckton has sure got it rough;
His audience has turned very tough.
They're no longer beguiled,
But instead he's reviled
For continually making up stuff.

He claims to have cured most disease,
And disproved global warming with ease.
So wild are his pitches
They have us in stitches.
What color's the sky that he sees?

A fellow named John Abraham
Put the potty peer in a jam
When he calmly debunked
All of Lord Monckton's junk
In one thorough and well-reasoned slam.

sphaerica said...

My hopefully not too late entry...

The Faltering Limerick, by Sphaerica

Lord Monckton has bothersome nits,
The data, he says, never fits
So bend, warp and skew
Is what he will do
Yet what comes out his end is the…

Wait… Try again…

With scientists Monckton won't truck,
Their position, he says, is lame duck,
Their carbon is wrong,
The trends are too long,
But his own stance, quite simply, is…

Wait… No, Wait… Try again…

Lord Monckton points out Jones's "trick,"
With small minds this tactic might stick,
But whine as he might,
The trick's in plain sight,
While Lord Monckton himself is a…

No… Sorry… Wait… Try again…

His claim to his title's a farce,
His claims about climate don't parse,
He claims and exclaims,
With his limited brains,
As he struts with a stick up his…

Erk… Ummm… No… Try again…

Lord Monckton's position's absurd,
John Abraham spoke, and was heard,
"Your actions you'll rue!"
Screamed Lord Monckton, "I'll sue!"
Proving once and for all he's a…

Errrr… No… Ummm… If I may…

It's one thing to yak about climate,
It's another to measure and time it,
But the words they must scan,
Be polite as you can,
(And look back, that last word, you must rhyme it).

Point of fact...

The style of a Limerick's not perdy,
And to make it all scan, maybe wordy,
But it's always been said
That the words to be read
To be true to the form must be dirty.

Roger Romney-Hughes said...

Lord Monckton, great climate contrarian,
On quest for fake status to scarey 'em,
Did rip off Queen's logo,
And tho' that's a no-no,
It's ripping off Lemmy's 'll bury 'im!

Sorry, couldn't resist the shameless self-promotion.